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We've been friends for over two decades, who has overcome numerous challenges, which I admire. However, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by others. Her partner walked away, and it was a massive blow. Several of her social circle vanished at that point, since they had been only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, likely understood more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, many close to her have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending time together, but I am finding my role between us is to listen. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she holds strong opinions. I try to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a trip to a nation I know well many times even called home for a while. My intention was to share personal experiences, but this was unappreciated. She really just desired validation of her decisions. I have returned from a month there she is eager to catch up, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she can understand the impact of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to walk away, but it is seldom a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out takes courage and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. Next is to tell how this makes you feel. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions are your feelings, of course. The third step is to ask how the two of you going to change the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, so you need to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly successful to encourage better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person could ignore your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version about themselves they're unable to release as it feels essential relies on it and it's all they've known. This is difficult because there's no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. But she may initially present defensively then consider your perspective. And should you don't achieve a fix, it will give you satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.